House husband

My keys must have fallen from my pants pocket last night; I managed to step on them when I got up this morning. Didn't hurt, but I set the Escape security alarm off from the little fob thingy. It got the neighbors attention, fer shur. For 15 years I've put up with their barking dogs, their mongrels running loose and crapping in my yard, their cats doing the same plus killing most of my squirrels and a lot of birds, their firecrackers, their drunk-inspred gun shots in the middle of the night, and even one setting her house on fire to collect insurance. Ah, the life of an urban redneck.

The lady whom set her house on fire was remarkable. One time she got mad at a neighbor and spray painted graffiti and obscenities on the side of her house; she ruined a lot of expensive cedar siding. She painted her own porch a terrible shade of yellow which clashed big time with the light blue siding and dark blue trim of the house. One night I was taking a forgotten key to Carolyn, and as I passed the lady's house, I noticed the living room lights were shining brightly through an uncurtained picture window. She was directly in front of the glass, twirling and dancing. She was a pretty decent looking faux blond woman, so I slowed for a good look. She was wearing lacy, black bikini style bed-wear which she sometimes sported even outside the house in daytime, but of a sudden, she slipped the top off up over her shoulders and then stepped out of her panties and resumed dancing; all she had on her was my eyes. She was definitely not a true blond. Being a morally upright man, I averted my eyes and hurried on to deliver the key to Carolyn. On my way home and much to my dismay, her house was dark. As for her self-inflicted house fire, it did little damage before it was smothered by the pouring rain. About two years later, she had a cocaine heart attack while at home and died; her husband had already divorced her and obtained custody of the kids.
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Carolyn went back to work last evening and was pretty well normal which means she forgot one of her building keys and I had to get away from the pc and brave the cold, cruel, and dark world to take it to her. A house hubby's work is never done and many sacrifices must be made to keep the bread earner's nose to the grindstone.

This reminds me that I saw on tv a promo for a show called Househusbands of Hollywood. Is this a new low in programming or what?

Some of you may notice I deleted part of the above paragraph; it was all tongue-in-cheek, but I could see where it might offend some people. If I did offend, I truly regret it. I'll go watch Spongebob now.
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I feel a bit sorry for the dude in this video, but at the same time I found it funny because I've been in pretty much the same shape. Some respect please!