Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Whimsies




Last Saturday when I was writing about my "interesting" Friday, I forgot one of the most important things I allowed to happen to me that day. Because of the blessed RA, I have large callouses just behind my toes in the center of my soles, and they at times become infected. Three years ago, I paid a pod surgeon $200 to lance the one on my right foot and while he was doing the procedure in his office, Carolyn was paying very close (I hope) attention. Since then she has become my defacto callous surgeon. On Friday morning I could barely hobble to do the things I had to do and after the lab work, she stuck my sore left foot into a bath of very warm water and made me soak it for nearly 30 mins. She then reached in my pants and whipped out my pocket knife, located her bottle of iodine along with a couple of tissues and went to work. For about 10 mins. she carved, cut, and peeled the tender knot, and finally it let go of its bounty of congealed corruption which was a bit thicker than toothpaste. It came rushing out of the callous like a little worm on a mission, curling and twisting this way and that and generally causing a stink.¹ She then put her thumbs to work squeezing more of the foul mess from my sole and when she finished, I could again put my weight on the foot without discomfort. If my foot doesn't become infected even worse from her spur-of-the-moment surgery, she will have saved me $200 or more. Although she isn't painless, she also does ingrown toenails and ingrown hairs, cuts hair, and to boot, she makes house-calls!
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Friday at dusk I am going to the creek for my long awaited spring bath. If you care to join me, I will be in the first hole you come to just past the place where I had my autumn cleansing. Just bring your skin; I have plenty of lye soap and the water is free.
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This diet I've begun makes me feel like I am a victim of dreaded tabefaction². I've cut back to two spoons of sugar in my morning caffeine fix, and I'm no longer using extra sweetener on my delicious and nutritious Sugar Bombs cereal which is an important part of a balanced breakfast. Says so on the box.
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If tabefaction doesn't consume you, have a Tom Terrific Tuesday.
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¹For some reason that sentence causes me to think of George W. Bush.
²tabefaction n wasting away; emaciation
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2 comments:

Tammy said...

The sign of a good partner, yes sir, is the tolerance for all sorts of disgusting body part removal and putting up with the rust of a relationship. It surprises me when Mike and I rely on each other for such things. I suppose some day it will be a daily occurrence. I promised him a long time ago that if I ever have to change undergarments that I'm putting him in Elmo diapers just to keep it fun.

Less sugar and less white flour food products would do you some good my friend. Oatmeal is cheap and healthy!

Anonymous said...

I may can tolerate diapers for myself or Carolyn, but I've made my family promise me when it gets to the point I will no longer be able to wipe my own ass, just to let me go. There is more to life than breathing.

I eat a lot of oatmeal ... with lots of honey. Actually, I eat better than I admit; writing about a fake poor diet makes a better story than does a healthy diet.

Thanks, Tammy.

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