Are they actually charging admission for Michael Jackson's funeral? I wanted to be cremated without a service of any kind, but if Carolyn can make a few bucks off my friends by charging them to see the spectacle of my funeral and burial; I am all for it. Here are some suggestions for the charges on the sad occasion.
As you can see, I am running a pre-event sale on reserved funeral seating. All the above may be purchased in a complete package deal plus all the donated food you can eat at the wake along with the right to toss ten shovel's full of dirt and a choice of one of my old shoes or a pair of well used underwear (mine or Carolyn's) to display for your friends for only $1995 ($1745 while on sale). But wait! If you order now, you can keep the shovel used for my burial; I will personally autograph the handle and the blade and will be happy to dedicate it to you. There's more! You will receive an eight-by-ten suitable for framing black-and-white photograph of yourself sitting on the lap of the deceased (me). What a great conversation piece for you and your friends! There will be only ten of these package deals for sale, and it is first come, first served. Hurry! I look for them to quickly sell out.
Place your order today: PayPal, certified check, or cash will be accepted, but there will be a 10% surcharge for using PayPal. In case you die before me: absolutely NO refunds! I believe this to be a much better deal than the one the owners of Mr. Jackson's remains are offering.
- Sign the guest book: $10
- View my body before the wake: $25
- Attend the wake: $25
- Reserved seating for the wake: $50
- Eat donated food: $50 per plate
- Attend the funeral: $100
- Reserved seating for the funeral:
$500$250 - Privilege of being a pallbearer: $100
- Riding with Carolyn in the limo: $150
- Privilege of shoveling dirt on my coffin: $5 per shovel full
- Donations for my monument: $50
- Be the first to piss on my grave: $500
As you can see, I am running a pre-event sale on reserved funeral seating. All the above may be purchased in a complete package deal plus all the donated food you can eat at the wake along with the right to toss ten shovel's full of dirt and a choice of one of my old shoes or a pair of well used underwear (mine or Carolyn's) to display for your friends for only $1995 ($1745 while on sale). But wait! If you order now, you can keep the shovel used for my burial; I will personally autograph the handle and the blade and will be happy to dedicate it to you. There's more! You will receive an eight-by-ten suitable for framing black-and-white photograph of yourself sitting on the lap of the deceased (me). What a great conversation piece for you and your friends! There will be only ten of these package deals for sale, and it is first come, first served. Hurry! I look for them to quickly sell out.
Place your order today: PayPal, certified check, or cash will be accepted, but there will be a 10% surcharge for using PayPal. In case you die before me: absolutely NO refunds! I believe this to be a much better deal than the one the owners of Mr. Jackson's remains are offering.
Powered by ScribeFire.
8 comments:
Black humour, my friend.
I sometimes think about death of MJ. He was so wealthy man but eventually the quality of his life was not good; anyway quality of our life – life of quite ordinary people – is not worse.
In fact I do not think that me and/or my friends are ordinary people. We are exceptional and unique.:-)
For God – we are equal.
I like dark humor. :-)
It is somewhat amazing to me that MJ wanted so much to be a "white" man (or boy). I would gladly have traded some of my whiteness to him for some of the good health he had before turning to drugs.
We are unique in that we know how to choose sincere friends.
To Nature, everything is equal. ;-)
It is a good thing I was not consuming any beverages when I read this or my keyboard and monitor would be covered with the beverage.
I suppose I watched too much Billy Mays. :-)
I saw one of his commercials last night.
Ken
I guess I will have to start saving now if I plan to attend your wake. I liked your humor.
I told Vanessa to read your blog so she could ideals for mine.
Alice
We may as well be as greedy as the Jacksons. I'll tell Carolyn to give you and Vanessa special discounts on all events surrounding my send off. I hope you elect to be the first on #12, but there will probably be a tussle to see who gets first squat or squirt. :-)
Ken
Would Jesus turn anyone away if they did not have the money to pay? I think not. Perhaps they could go to Westminister Abby to pray for you, anyday but Sunday that is.
John 8:7
Post a Comment