An Unforgettable Valentine's Day

♥Once upon an evening, a guy I know won several hundred dollars playing pinball. After he paid his bar tab and a few other gambling debts, he had only $80 left. The next morning his friend "Bro" stopped by his house and they soon began to become exceedingly thirsty. Bro was between jobs and my friend was too worthless to work anyway, so many times they did not have the funds to buy beer. Both their wives worked, but getting an allowance from them had become nearly impossible; they claimed rent and groceries were more important than beer, which is a very female and blasphemous point of view. The day was Thursday, and it was also Saint Valentine's Day. The boys did some ciphering, and decided to fill the old pickup truck's gas tank, buy a case of beer along with some salty snacks, and they should have enough money left to pick up some nice flowers and a card for their darlings. The first two missions were accomplished, and they stopped by a K-Mart and got what they considered sexy cards for their ladies. They drove on to the flower shop, and as soon as they went inside, they knew they were in trouble. The cheapest Valentine related blossoms in the store cost more than what they had left, so they did some more ciphering and decided if they returned the cards to K-Mart and got a refund, they would have enough money to get the cheapo flowers and have less than ten cents left over, and that is what they did. The flowers (actually small garden bowls with more green leaves than flowers and a plastic heart sticking prominently in the center) included a small To:/From: card. The boys were a bit uneasy, but they knew their loving wives would understand, so off they went to spend the remainder of the day driving around back roads drinking beer and eating chips all the while becoming more secure with their gifts of love. It finally came time for them to collect their wives from work, so my friend took Bro to his truck and then went on to pick up his adoring bride. He sat in the parking lot awaiting her with a huge grin on his unshaven puss and the Valentine gift displayed proudly beside him on the seat of the Ford, right next to what was left of his last six-pack. His wife opened the passenger door, took a look at her smirking and high-buzzing spouse, saw the empty beer cans on the floor and the two full ones on the seat beside his love offering. He wasn't so drunk that he wasn't able to quickly pop open his door and bail out just as the flower garden whizzed past his ear followed by his last two remaining beers. She was screaming something about "you son-of-a-bitch you didn't even sign the shitty card". With that and a few more words of spousal rebuke, she slid beneath the steering wheel and drove away leaving him with some scattered foliage, a broken plastic bowl with a pink plastic heart imprinted with "I Love You", and two Miller High Life tall boys (shaken, not stirred) sitting on the pavement in parking lot central. He still had his dignity, but little else. Bro's house was closer than his own, so he stuffed the beers in his jacket pockets and began hoofing along the rush hour highway. When finally approaching Bro's abode, he saw his friend driving very quickly from his front door as a small flower garden crashed against the tailgate of his truck. Bro saw my friend and picked him up and they drove around some more as they decided it was all their lover's fault. Camping out along a cold river bank in mid-February with nothing for comfort but a pup tent and two Army blankets may not be the best way to spend a night meant for cooing lovers, but it was the way their special Valentine's Day at last ended. They were cold, hungry—and after my friend threw up on himself before he could exit the tent—quite smelly. But they did have three beers between them and tomorrow would be a new day.♥
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Have a great Valentine's weekend!