Loose Laces

I was surfing last evening with StumbleUpon-- http://www.stumbleupon.com/ --when I stumbled upon just the finest little music channel: http://www.zenchannel.com/. It is now my constant online companion, my new heartthrob, my soulmate. It is ecstasy; it is bliss; it is opiate; it is timeless love; it is Zen. Sorry all you babes that have a crush on me; I am won by another.

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9:53 am--I feel so damned good! Been this way since getting out of bed yesterday morning. No, the physical pain hasn't subsided very much, but my mental well being is probably the highest it's been in more than five years.

Yesterday, I was able to exorcise some demons from my inner being that have held back my progress as an individual. I put to rest some fears and anxieties that were wearing and tearing me down. Today, I am free!

I feel like singing (I can't carry a note)! I feel like SHOUTING! I feel go-o-o-o-d! Hey, I sound like Mary Poppins!

12:10 pm--One of my few remaining friends from "the old days" stopped by to hassle me this morning. Even though we live less than a block apart, our schedules and life styles aren't always in sync, and we don't have time to sit and have a session. Mouse helped Carolyn acquire one of her biggest contracts, and it in turn led to another good sized account for her.

I've known Mouse since 1974. We were both working for the now locally defunct Texas Instruments Corp. He was a machine setup person and I worked maintenance. He had just gone through a divorce, and was riding a bicycle to work on second shift. His ex had left him with nothing but a few clothes and a couple of boys to raise.

My Dodge pickup had a sliding back window that opened to the cargo bed. I always drank a beer or two on the way to work, and occasionally Mouse was unfortunate to get behind me. Seeing him back there, I would toss my empty can through the back window just a little higher than usual so the air stream would catch it. The very first one caught him by surprise as it whapped him across the arm, and he never tailgated me again. I always offered to give him and his bike a lift to work, and he always refused, saying I was too crazy to ride with.

After getting the old heave-ho from TI, we rarely saw each other until 1979 when I moved into a trailer park where he and his boys were living. Soon after, he was able to rent a house for his family and I didn't see him much except when we ran into each other at a bar. I had been receiving gold-salts injections for the RA, and was pretty well in remission, feeling it was time for me to hit the construction trail again. Out of the blue, Mouse asked me if I would work for him. He and another bar-buddy had contracted with a developer to put houses under roof. It paid only $150 per week, but it was enough to get by on. With my second job of picking up beer cans along the roads and selling the aluminum, and Carolyn working for a janitor service, we existed.

I continued working for Mouse through the summer, but then my RA hit me again; hard. Of course, I wasn't the only one vulnerable to disease; Mouse came down with lung cancer about eight years ago, but was successfully operated on. He still smokes, though.

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The years from 1975 to about 1990 were the best years of my life. I had little money, I drank to excess, tried every drug I could get hold of, and always had a nice stash of herb. I was happy. I had more real friends than anyone deserves, and not a weekend went by without a party somewhere. In the summer we partied at the local lakes and mountains; in winter, we were from house to house. The drugs and alcohol eased the pain enough for me to live with the RA.

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3:00 pm--Had to make a run to the bank, and for the first time in years, when I left home, I didn't wear a ball cap. No! Not even my favorite Dark Side of the Moon chapeau. I let my lovely and long locks blow in the wind from the open windows. My head fur isn't as dark as it once was, nor is it nearly as thick, but Babe, it is beautiful! I haven't had a hair cut since early last spring, and I am one cool and freakin' mother!

I put my cane in the closet 'cause I ain't carrying no crutch of no kind no longer. Oh hell yeah, I still limp and it still hurts, but not as badly. When the mind is at peace with the Cosmos, anything can be dealt with. And sweethearts, I am dealin'! No, not drugs; happiness.

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