Oh Woe; Oh Woe

Okay; okay! Go ahead and rub it in. Y'all saw it coming, didn't you? Well, why didn't you tell me. At the bottom of each of my posts, there is a little icon labeled comments that can be clicked on to leave me a comment. Did any of you bother to warn me? Hell no.

You knew that Joe the clone was going to end up in the sack with my wife, didn't you? Last night, I had to sleep on the recliner in the den. Go ahead; get your chuckles; I didn't get anything but a sore back. Not much sleep, either. Lying awake trying to hear what the hell was going on in my bedroom, fearing that the worst was happening, and I didn't have to wait very long. About 12:30 am it did happen! I don't hear very well, but I heard that. I'll bet that most of the neighborhood heard it. That wasn't the worst of it; like clockwork, it happened about every hour afterwards until after daylight.

It began about 11:00 pm when we were getting ready for bed. My wife decided that she wanted some ice cream and asked me if I would tell Joe to go to the store. Conveniently, Joe wasn't to be found, so I, being a caring and loving husband, drove the two miles to the all-night market to get my bride a quart of butter-pecan. I made my purchase, decided to drink a cola and talk a little trash with the cute blonde-haired girl that was working the counter.

On arriving back at the house, I noticed that the bedroom light was off. Well, she got sleepy and went on to bed, I reckoned. I put the ice cream into the freezer and went to my bedroom. But guess what. The door was locked, and I heard my wife giggling! She doesn't giggle! I gently tapped on the door and asked her to let me in.

Well, surprise surprise. My voice came from behind the locked door, informing me to get lost. That conniving horse's butt had gone into our love nest and told my darling that he'd sent JOE to the store.

I hollered for the s.o.b. to open the door and get away from my wife. She told me to get away from the door and leave them alone. I tried to tell her that it was Joe in there instead of me, her true love, and that he was deceiving her. She wasn't buying it, telling me to get the hell away or she would phone 911. I kept pleading with her and threatening him. All I got back was more threats from the love of my life, and cursing from good ol' Joe.

After awhile, I kicked on the door and then I heard my wife dialing and talking to the 911 operator. I told her okay, that I would go away, but that she was wrecking our marriage. I heard that louse of a clone laughing as my dearest told the operator to never mind. I knew that I was whipped, as I had no way of proving to her that it wasn't me cuddling with her in our bed.

Now, I'm in one hell of a quandary. I've got to get rid of that wife-theiving monster before he does away with me. Damn, I've never been able to give it a go that many times in one night; probably not in a week.

No, I don't want you leaving me any advice, although constructive comments will be appreciated. I'll figure it out myself, but when I do get my lover back, how am I going to perform like Joe?